I Felt a Sense of Hopelessness and Didn't Know Why

When I read your email, I didn’t know what to say about it. I was severely attacked by the demon of suicide not too long ago. John, my husband, and I just got married in July 7th, 2007; before the wedding I moved into his house on the 28th of May 2007. I started to get depressed, I mean really bad. It was not like me, I thought. Maybe it has to do with the new city, new situation, now living together, etc. But then my husband had lots of worldly movies and music CDs at home. I told my pastor, and he advised me to love him, accept him, and be patient and gentle with him. A long story short, I felt a great sense of hopelessness, like I have never felt before; I really wanted to die. I still didn’t know why, I would always have strange dreams.

One day as I was watching a Christian television via the satellite. I think it was TBN, a pastor was saying, "There is somebody there, you have been attacked by the spirit of suicide, and the Lord is healing you." I claimed it; and then went behind my computer. I came across http://www.savedbygracesuicidenetwork.org.

I read every word, the testimonies; the scriptures, everything. This was the beginning of my healing! And Jesus healed me completely. I knew I'd found this website by the Grace of God. I was saved by the Grace of God Almighty.

... I told him (husband, who was into porno) that he underestimated the God that I serve. He is the revealer of all secrets. And my husband agreed he could never outsmart God. Right now, my husband has repented ... We still have a long way to go. I have made up my mind long ago to follow Jesus Christ. With, or without, John. I will finish my race. I thank God for savedbygracesuicidenetwork.org . That is why I will not die, but will live to declare the works of the Lord; and as for me and my family, we must save for the Lord, I will not settle for less. For the sake of Christ I am determined to end well by the Grace of God.

I am putting evangelical materials together for my church. If I have your permission I will include http://www.savedbygracesuicidenetwork.org Because I know this website will bless and save peoples' lives. Thank you very much!!! With lots of love from Holland, Yours in Christ Jesus. ~ Mercedes

My Morning "Dose" of Good Medicine

“… After reading your email, started to immediately send a reply. However, I was mentally ushered to take a different route instead … I decided to check out your url / for your website (Saved By Grace Suicide Network). Couldn't have made a better choice! … Thank you so much for the referral to your site. I must have sit here and scrammed thru the whole site. I did a lot of reading this morning on your site. I'll probably check with my local library for that book you referred. However in the meantime, this website has been my morning "dose" of some Good Medicine … after reading some of your "reads," I found myself going for the Bible to follow along for myself on the Word … Thank You, and I Thank God for you. Thru you, God has truly sent a blessing my way. What a "mighty" and wonderful God we serve. I will even go as far to promise you today, Jan, I will lift my head up and develop more faith and know that you guys’ prayers / and mine as well are going up to God, and he will receive them. Thank you, my darling Sister in Christ … I Love You (sorry … but yes … tears are clogging my eyes, and I'll chat later … God bless you, Jan. P.S: You can copy / paste for others (testimonials). I care not … from the bottom of my heart … I Thank God 4 U.” ~ B Smith, USA

"...Evil Can Be Identified..."

Dear Jan, I have been introduced to you by my friend, Addie. I read the book you sent to her called "Breaking of Bondages" ("The Bondage Breaker" by Neil T. Anderson). I just wanted to thank you for this wonderful book. It helped me to realize how the evil can be identified in our lives and how to deal with it. Thanks once again for the wonderful work that you do. Regards, Ms. V Pereira, India

Almost Took My Life So Many Times

The book you gave me is awesome; there are so many testimonies just like mine, Jan. What coincidence!! It moved me so much when I looked at my past and understood how the devil was playing with my life, making me think nobody loves me, nobody cares for me, that if I die, nobody will miss me; how I almost took my life so many times based on these thoughts. I used to also think that God doesn't love me. I, in fact, wrote a letter to God (how funny) sometime back when my mother hit me again…Those days were awful, Jan. The torture I went through. When you think that nobody loves you, it's a terrible feeling. But now I realize that our mischief-maker has been putting such thoughts into my mind. Thank you so much, dear, for sending this precious book to me. I want to purge all those feelings of loneliness, despair, neglect and unwanted ness from my life. How much I have wasted my life with bitterness and depressions. ~ GS, India

Who Should I Write About?

I was not sure who to write about, but I know you better in the short time that I have known you. I was going to write on Joyce Meyers, had everything ready to write the article, did the research on her and everything; and God said, “No.” God told me to write about you; so I did. I did the research on your suicide network; so now you are famous at Shoreline Christian Center. People from Austin might be coming to your site for a visit :) I do not think that I ever met someone from a suicide network. I do not remember anybody, but your story was very touching as I did research on you... Love you. ~ B Bodling, USA

Very Touched

Am Pastor Nazareth, I have read about your (Saved By Grace Suicide Network) ministry and very touched to what you are doing; please allow me to be part and parcel of your ministry.” ~ Pastor Nazareth Mfune, New Hope Ministries, Malawi, Africa

Sea of Misery

I just about fell out of my chair when you mentioned the line in my song, and stated your interest in depression. That little piece of a song was from "Sea of Misery" which I wrote trying to describe depression in a time I was severely depressed. I wanted you to see the rest of the lyrics, and you will probably realize what it all means if you are familiar with this disorder.

"Sea of Misery"

I sail my ship on troubled waters

On a sea of misery

I lost my way back to safe harbor

I need Someone to rescue me

Save me Lord, I think I'm sinking

In this sea of misery

I am a thousand miles from nowhere

Send an angel down to me

I see the storm clouds gather round me

I feel the cold rain on my skin

And only darkness here surrounds me

I want to go back home again

My soul cries out for some direction

In circles I float aimlessly

And hope is my only salvation

I need Someone to rescue me

I could find Your Guiding Light

That's shining bright on Heaven's shore

And lead my ship into Your harbor

This ocean I will fear no more

I need Someone to comfort me

~ Ed Servis, USA Copyright 2006

A Life Spared

Hello, Sister Jan...I am so glad that the Lord has used your writeup to save this lady! You have no idea how much this means to me! I could discern from her mails to you that the devil had wanted to kill her, but thank God for always having a way to save His own. ~ Pastor Benjamin A., The Cornerstone Brotherhood Ministry

Thank You!

I am Dorcas A., 18 years young woman in Ghana. I read your writing about "Suicide" and I was so blessed. As a young lady growing without knowing my parents, I felt tempted a couple of months ago to just end my life. I did not see anything in hold for me to live for. I don't know; I came across flyers from The Corner Stone Brotherhood Ministries and I followed up to see the website. I am a Christian alright, but I almost ended my life had it not been that I saw your writing first. I believe that I was led to read your writing, and I am glad that it has added a meaning to my life. Thank you for allowing God to use you to save me... ~ Dorcas A., Ghana

New Lease on Life!

...thanks to the Graceful One of Israel, I am no longer (even remotely) suicidal. I have been granted a new lease on life through marriage, family and an ever-increasing sense of community.
~ Tom C., USA